Thursday 6 August 2015

Last Bench Love - 2

Before starting i would like to apologize to everyone for my grammatical and spelling mistakes in the previous post, and special thanks to everyone who pointed out the mistakes. I will try my best to keep it error free.

'Why are you disturbing her?' the angry face of my class teacher confused me very much, she kept on talking,  'dont stand there looking like an idiot, now give me an answer', the whole staff room turned towards me staring hard. 

The days started to become eventful, slight drizzle has now changed to heavy downpour, stagnant water here and there, nobody would have liked to get out in such a heavy rain, but my usual laziness have got a sudden hit, i may not be super exited to go to class, but i was never late to get the first bus to school, there was now a special joy in reaching the class.

Now let me give you a slight intro about her, a small girl with even smaller face, her shining locks were always kept tied without allowing it to breath fresh air, eyes big and always opened, but her main attraction  was the beautiful smile she had, she was never stingy in smiling, maybe a tad too much of smile, but she is beautiful in her own way and i never found her innocent smile so appealing till then, but the major issue for me was her close friend(a fat bi**h), her friend was always with her, and she was so annoying, she had a great influence on her decisions, and that was even more annoying, but a challenge is what we all like, isnt it. For me the hard part was to impress her fat friend, which was almost impossible, but i never lost hope in doing so.

Now that a slight change to my character was visibly clear to everyone, many of my teachers started to mention my name in class, telling me that i have changed a lot and should focus on studies and nothing else, to be true i actually liked teachers saying that because i always wanted to change my image of being a nerd, most importantly i was getting the much needed attention of the class and she started to notice me, she never took any interest in talking with me, but she started to smile whenever she saw me, and i will never be able to describe my happiness in words of seeing her smile. Till then i believed that having a girlfriend or even a lover is only to be a cool dude, and it has is nothing to do with your future life, marriage, children, once you have completed your school everyone will part ways and someone new will come into your life or atleast in your thoughts, but her smile has changed my concept of love, and i am very much greatful to her for that, she taught me an important lesson of life, it is better to be loved and lost than never to be loved at all.

One day i accidentally told my other friends about her, and that turned out to be a very bad accident afterall, they told me to go and tell her about it, and started to urge me for doing that, if they had told me do so ealier, i would have done it without any hesitation, but now the whole scenario has changed and i lacked courage to do so, now i was even afraid to stare at her anytime during class, as my friends would notice it. Some of the girls already had their doubt and my friends helped them to solve the mystery, and they started to give me that sarcastic smile, which i hated the most. I was afraid about the kind of reaction she will be having after hearing such things from her friends. Next day, i didnt found the usual smile on her face and her fat friend was staring at me like i was a criminal, so the conclusions were made pretty easily and i was completely shattered. During break time her friend came to me and told that she doesnt love me and if her mother came to know about it then that will be her end, i was completely shocked, she was looking at me from a distance and was very nervous, i lost my words and only stared at her.

My friends being what they are became active on hearing this from her friend and started to make fun of her and her friend openly during class and interval time, to be frank i enjoyed that to a little extend where her fat friend was made fun of, even today i believe that it is her master brain that has worked against me, but the joke started to turn serious, one day i saw her cry in class, and others girls were sitting next to her, one girl came to me and told that she is very upset and i am the reason for it, my friends are making fun of her and she was not taking it well, that really made me feel bad, but i didnt asked my friends about it, after seeing her cry they also stopped it i think. Then after that incident everything took a U-turn, she looked sad all the time, and her beautiful smile was also missing, the girls in my class also started to isolate me. My friends stood by me all the time, and they had a lot of plans to get things back on track,though nothing was applicable in real life.

One day i decided to go and meet her in her house, whatever be the consequence, I had a rough idea about where her house is, but was not quite sure, still my gut feeling was to go meet her and say sorry, this decision came out of desperation, +1 classes had concluded, vacation classes will start within two weeks or so, my main aim was to build back the old friendship, and to see her smile again, It took me a lot of time to decide on whether to go or not, for a person like me it was a very big issue, simply because i had never visited a girlfriend's house before, but i was sure about one thing if i am going i will be going alone and not with my friends, as she did not like my friends too much, i reached her place but had no idea about her house, after calling one girl i got her address and moved towards her house, you cannot image the tension i had while going to meet her, my palms were leaking water, heart was pumping more than it ever had, it is impossible for me to explain that situation, i reached in front of her gate, my mind was completely unsure about what to do next, NO, my courage has cheated me once again, i cannot do it, i simply cant, i walked forward without even looking back, my eyes started to fill up, but i tried to control my emotions to the max, i will never be able to talk to her again, i said to myself and returned home.

Vacation classes commenced and it was really boring, she was also there and she looked happy, i could see her smile again, but she was not ready to talk or even to look at me, the next day i was called into the staff room by my teacher and she had a lot of questions for me, she came to know about all those stuff and was really angry with me, i wondered how she knew things that happened a month ago, but the real suprize was not that, it was her mother who told my teacher about all those things, i was shocked and frightened to hear that, she told everything to her mother, i could not believe that, after a lot of harassment teacher told me stay away from her and to concentrate on studies in a soothing manner. 2 months passed and we didnt talked or even looked at each other, then we had our school tour and so on, i am not explaining each and every incident, then this story will never come to an end, lot of days passed since that staffroom issue and every one seemed to forget about it, all my friends had a smooth relationship with their girlfriend, and they always looked happy while talking about them, i tried my best to remain sarcastic while talking about her, my ego of not having a girlfriend has gone, maybe i was too much proud of my looks that i thought girls will fly and come to me, all those negative thoughts have slowly started to go, i was obviously sad, but there was some satisfaction, as days passed it was time for model exams, and everyone was terrified about the final exams, all my friends came to my home for combined study and that was real fun.

As said earlier i am not explaining everything, as it may sound boring, but the real twist in the tale happened during the second model exam, she talked to me, she told me all the best for the exams and study hard along with her pretty smile, my reaction was completely stupid, i walked away without telling anything in reply, even today i dont know why i did that, my mind was completely lost and wandering, our exam will start on 14th february , physics lab exam. I was not bothered about the exam or viva, all the time i was culminating my courage to finally say to her what i feel on the day of love, i bought a card and scribbled something on it, and was completely prepared to face any challenge, this is the last chance, after school i may never be able to see her again, i didnt even have her number,( actually i had her num but most of the time it was with her mom), so after setting my mind ready for it, i went ahead,  you see i am having a nerd history so i had obviously prepared for the exam, but more than that i was feeling determined and confident, so exam turned out to be easy for me. After exam i waited for her on the staircase, i thought that would be romantic enough for her, she has to go through that stairs after completing the exam so it had dual pourpose. And finally i saw her coming down the stairs, her fat friend was also with her, so i requested her to talk with me in private, her friend moved away and we got our own space for the first time, i didnt felt any kind of nervousness and gifted her the card, and said 'I LOVE YOU, if i didnt say it now then i will never be able to say it another time, you can either like me or not but i will never be able to forget you as you are my first love', her eyes sprang out from their sockets, she started to sweat i think, but kept staring into my eyes without saying a word, she was searching for words to give a reply, i could read it out from her face, she started to walk away without uttering a word, and i kept staring at her from behind, but didnt asked her to stop.

I did expect such a behavior from her, so it did not had much effect on me, but my proposal was completely out of the blue and she was really shocked, the story did continue but unfortunately it didnt ended well, all of us had moved on since then, but the feel of first love is still within me, and it will always remain in me, we did talk after that, but nothing positive happened, this last bench love has given me a lot of memories to cherish, hopefully some day i will also find my true love.


1 comment:

  1. Touching.Some what Chetan Bhagat style!!Capitalise the I's.

    ReplyDelete